What's the best thing about your mom?
The best thing about my mom is that there's no mom like her. You must know that it's such a big deal for me when one thing is so unique and my mother's just like that. I can't possibly put into words how much I admire her. She had a very rough path to begin with and withstanding the pressures on her being the eldest among her 6 siblings plus their financial issues that time is just a fraction of the many things that she has been through.
I admire my mom--so much that I couldn't believe it. She and I weren't exactly close when I was growing up. I'm not so sure though, because she had work that time and I felt out on my own to find comfort in friends and some place to belong to. I was her first-born and I believe there's this different bond that we share. Sometimes I see her frustrated of the many things she has to think of and deal with. I hate myself when I fail her and everytime I hate her for being rude and not understanding me at times when the truth is, it's me who doesn't understand. She and I always fight when I was younger and during those times I'd rather move out and be alone since I've always felt left behind without anyone to stay with me. We really do often fight like there's no tomorrow. But things change and I'm glad I have and she had.
Today, I can't imagine that journey we've been through together as mother and daughter. I love her more than I could ever let her know. And I thank God for blessing me with such a mother who's so selfless unlike me, who gives more than she could have. Someday I want to give back to her all the love she had made me feel. One day she'll be proud of me but above all I would make her proud of herself for raising me the way she did. It was the best. I love you Momo. My sincerest thank you mean more than all the thanks I could give my whole life. I love you Momo, when you taught me how to walk, how to speak, how to understand things I probably wouldn't know without you, for understanding me at times when I don't understand you, for being there even in moments I don't feel you, for the breakfast, merienda, lunch, merienda, dinner, midnight snacks and all the desserts in between, for the hot water on the pail during cold days, for waking up every single day for all of us to survive and all the things you do. Even the simplest of it counts. I hope to let you know how much I wanted to buy you things you can't buy for yourself. To make you feel blessed and loved more than ever. I love you Momo. Even at times that you don't seem to care, when you vent out to me how gravely or frustrated you feel, when at times you laugh at me or with me, when you tease me or make long sermons on me, when you teach me even when I don't look like I'm listening. Thank you for being my friend if not my best friend, Momo. I love you Momo. Even at times when I bottle up what I feel inside, when I wanted to hug you when I need someone for comfort but I know you won't understand because it's these things and issues I can't tell you. I love you Momo, not because and not despite. Momo, stay with me until you can, until I make you proud of all the things you've done with me and for me, stay.
And I run after you, like when I was just a little kid when you're going off to work.
What's the best thing about today?
The best thing about today would probably be having no classes. Today's the commemoration of the first People Power's Revolution. Nothing much actually but getting enough sleep and rest is all just worth it. I didn't get to watch Doraemon again. Booyah.
The good news is we have now move on to a more faster internet connection. Yeah, out with old school. My cousins are back in their home in New Zealand. We're really missing them A LOT. I wish they could have stayed if not for good maybe at least a little longer. They're wishing the same wish too. :)
Who is ringing in the New Year with you? Who do you wish could be with you, but isn't there?
I'm spending the New Year's Eve with my family here at our house. I dunno exactly why I'm not feeling the new year coming but all I can say is, it sucks. It sucks because I think I should be rejoicing or at least anticipating. I had a realization while I was ironing clothes a while ago. It's kind of personal actually but I definitely don't mind sharing it.
For 2 years now, I haven't been free of this baggage. My so-called attachment. And I realized it's about time I put it down. Maybe now is not the time. Maybe it's as simple as that. I just have to go on with my life and live it. Forget about that part of my life as of now. It's like a chapter in a book that reveals much information that you'll encounter in the later chapters but as of the time you're reading it, you don't know that those things are actually relevant. I would just have to imagine that it's just another part in my book and everything would be fine. I hope.
The hoping continues this coming year but I won't let the hoping, the waiting to keep me from living a genuinely happy life. I will find my happiness in the other dimensions of my life. Maybe it's called giving up but no one can blame me. I haven't given up though, I will just take a break from making efforts. It's hard when you're the only one who's making effort. I don't even know if she still cares.
I'm not thrilled of the celebration of New Year's Eve but I'm definitely looking forward for 2008. It's a new start, a fresh clean slate that I can do whatever with. And for this coming year I've decided it'll be about changes and being bold. It'll be about happiness and finding it even in the small things. I think I've done great with my no love life year of 2007 though there were some inevitable circumstances. I hope I'll do good with my goal this year too. Maybe better.
I wish my father's here though. We've grown to his absence during the yuletide season. Maybe that's why I feel ok with it since it's the normal thing. But that normality brought me to the thought of the unknown feeling that he's here to celebrate with us. I'd like to spend New Year's Eve with someone special. And it's not the person anyone close to me would be thinking when they read this. I dunno exactly if this person's special to me now actually. But yeah. I'd love to spend New Year's Eve with this certain person. Maybe the next New Year's Eve we could. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I wish you all a blessed year. Do not let the burden of you past get in the way. Live in the moment.
I opened this blog for writing enrichment purposes. I'm sufferering from severe language and spelling poverty lately. So before I lose my remaining poor vocabulary I might as well write my thoughts down. Reading has become stale since I can't read books out loud. It takes time doing that; one reason why it takes so much of my time. I haven't blogged in long time too. I have but not on a regular basis. I pity my blog.
And since we don't do much of writing in school this year, I think my blog is my only resort. It's one of the main reasons why I keep a blog anyway. So please don't wonder why I write long English entries. :) But I hope you do comment. I don't mind if you only read my entries half-way.
Anyway, so much for the drama. Today was a long day. Since the grade schoolers are having their intramurals this week, our new building has been bombarded by their noise. Our new building is situated near the pool, volleyball court and above our one-floor building is the tennis court. They were damn noisy as they were taking the stairs up to that court. And oh, our doors and windows that seem to make us feel like in a aquarium are all wide open. Doesn't that suck enough? Our aircons are not working so that adds up to that. Even before lunch time, we are all looking exhausted, sabotaged and harrassed. Oh no, not that. We've all been used to being harrassed every day. Today, we were tortured.
We were asked to move to the annex building which is more likely to be a building known to all that is our new building is far from civilization. Our other batchmates were asked to bring their chairs with them. Good thing our class was lucky to be transferred to a room ready with chairs. We moved in to the Home Economics Demonstration room. And that's just not fun. Why you ask? It was my room last year. It feels different to be in that room with a different class that I feel awkward with. There are still times that I do not feel my room ever since we started this transferring thing which is this week. One more thing is that I can't help but be reminded of our days last year; our clique and the class.
At least we are out of that new building. I think even our principal's disappointed with how it came out to be. It feels like another world to me when I first stand before it. And room just gives you that lazy feeling. I've been lazy this school year and it the room's not helping. The windows which you can't help but look through is nothing but distracting. Not to mention the sweat cascading on my forehead, chest and back.
This is getting longer. I still have to work on revising our survey for our reseach material, read this story for Filipino class and finish some palancas plus not to mention bloghop.
QUOTE DATED: Nov. 4, 2007 {LATE NIGHT}
My mind is polluted. I think I have things to think over but I just don't know what they are. I don't even know if they're worth wasting time and effort to think about. I wanna write, that's one thing for sure. And hopefully with the nothingness that keeps me vomiting words I would come up with something nice. Something interesting.
I wanna be random. I envy those people who have so many things to talk about. I envy their lives. They seem so fun. My life right now is not really super. It's not the same old spontaneous one and thrilling. Boring is the perfect word to describe my life. That's probably why I wanna blog. Somehow things make sense. I wanna have something going on with my life than school and house. And unlike most people my age, I have a platonic lovelife. As in the love-o-meter is on the negative side. It hasn't even reached like point one. Except for the Gaby dela Merced thing. That is nothing but pure adoration for the glory of such a super cool supergirl like her. Yeah. I am such a fan girl. I'm hating it. She obviously has me head over feet.
Anyway, I just wish myself a better life by next year. Come January. I think 2007 is just not for me. 2006 was my year and I guess you can't just be so lucky to have it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just being sullen and emo and instead of making something out of my boring life I just rant. It's not working. I've tried. But I'll try again and again. But I still think next year would be a better one. Start over with a fresh start. :)
Written above are words from yesterday night. I just can't believe how the good God blesses me. Just image receiving invitations to two different parties, dated November 10 and November 16-17. Both are 18th birthday parties. Being 18 when you're still in highschool is just the best. Say hello parties! :) Grade 7 has a purpose, you know. :)) Plus, I have another scheduled far-out 18th birthday bash to attend to on November 10 too. Hopefully this one pushes through. Unfortunately, this get-together doesn't have any invitation card at all. But still, the fact that the person invited me and is willing to even help me fund myself for transportation? :) Then there's this play by La Salle Cue drama club that a few of my ka-pwet(name of our barkada since last year) friends and I would be watching on the 15! We were supposed to be in that play too(for some parts that girls are needed) but unfortunately I was sick the day we were supposed to collaborate and rehearse with them. So yeah. And my other two friends weren't just able to come. I'm just so blessed to have lovely friends. And not lovelife I guess.
Boston by Augustana is playing in the background and then it reminds me I do have somebody special. Her name is Sandra. An old friend of mine. I saw her today, around 6:15pm. I love her. A lot. And I knew Boston is nothing but a place I would be but my heart would still belong to sunsets. I guess sunrise is not yet for me.
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Would you rather go back in time or visit the future?
Submitted by Auds.
Going back in time would probably be impossible. If anyone can go back to the past, we wouldn't have a present. I'm quite sure almost everyone wants to go back in time and maybe change some things that they're probably regretting now. There are just some things that we have to get over with. I never realized that it'll be better to visit the future than wish I can go back in time until I came across this question. Maybe visiting the future could help me from stopping myself from committing the wrong thing. It'll save me for my whole lifetime because I would never have to regret because I would know what I should avoid. But doesn't that take away the thrill in life? Ugh. I'm guess I just have to live with the present.
